I try not to regret much, but tonight I’m nostalgic for missed chances. We’re making up for lost time, you and I. How wonderful it could’ve been to already be in love with you seven (eight, nine, ten) years ago. We would’ve been students, meeting up after classes, watching plays, concerts, and open mics, spending breaks together, holding hands as we walked through our favorite spaces, stealing kisses when we thought our friends weren’t looking. So instead we’re rebuilding memories. Here’s the place where we wait for each other when the day ends, we say. This is the spot where you stood when I looked at you and felt overwhelmed by the desire to hug you close for the first time. I want to walk every inch of our campus and imprint yr presence with every step. Everywhere we go, here is the place where I love you.

i’ve long known that the universe has a rule against girls like me having it all. that’s okay. but if i could choose what i could get to keep, i’d choose you.

I wonder if you notice how much you thrill me, even with the simplest things.

There are times when I can’t help it. You lean in to kiss me and in that last split second before our lips meet, I break into a smile, the corners of my mouth curling up under yours. Unbearably happy.

I could call you every possible endearment in every language, it still wouldn’t be enough to describe how dear you are to me.

When I tell you I think about you all the time, I wonder sometimes if you know just what I mean.

It means when we’re apart, and it’s evening and you’re driving a great distance, I’m silently in touch with the passenger in your front seat, asking about yr drive and hoping you’re safe.

It means when I tell you I think about you all the time, I mean exactly that.

That I’m this scared means that I’ve never stood to lose so much. I love you, I love you, I love you. It only means I’m terrified of losing you.

I don’t realize how I’ve grown accustomed to having you near until we’re apart. And then I see it. I feel myself reach for you and I realize how I’ve learned to count on your presence, how I lean into yr solid warmth, how much comfort I take in yr familiar scent.

When we’re apart, I feel slightly adrift. With you, I’m a ship anchored safely home.

Come home, I tell you. It’s funny (in this softwarmtender way) because what I really mean is come back. Come back to me, I need you so much closer.

The coming new year has never scared me so much. It’s hard to let go of a year that’s been so amazing, especially when the coming year is promising so much change. But you make me want to be brave. You make me want to fight (slay dragons, raze cities) to make things work.